Slow walkers, talkers and not-so-great time managers.

I had to go to target today to get some cleaning supplies. I'm still a little sick, so I'm even crabbier than normal. That being said, I was determined to make the best of it. I got in the store, and I'm like, alright. Get a basket, walk to the cleaning supplies aisle. Some old guy just walks right in front of me, and just STANDS there, right in the middle of the way. I would've been rude and given him a piece of my mind, but he was old, so I let it slide. By 'let it slide' I mean I let my annoyance burn slowly and painfully within me. He finally moved and I got my basket. Alright, to the aisle. You have to understand that they just remodeled our target (it's now a new and approved semi-super target!) and so I couldn't find the stupid aisle. Then when I DID find it, again, some fat bitch is in my way, completely oblivious on her damn phone. GAH. I didn't say anything, just politely bumped her when I walked by, then flashed a smile no one can be angry at. Yes, kill her with kindness. After walking around the aisles for a good twenty minutes (because No, I don't need any help, damn it.) I found all I was looking for and got to the checkout.

I'm a tall girl. That means I walk faster than the average overweight lazy American. (Yeah, I did just say that. You mad, bro?) As such, it drives me FUCKING INSANE to be stuck walking behind slow people. Or people who could be faster, but have nothing better to do than just infuriate me, moseying along checking out the scenery. (Target has a lot of glittery, shiny things.) I try my best to not be rude, but seriously, HOW can you not notice when you're holding up traffic? I'm not that slow when I'm TRYING to waste time. Seriously, guys. Time is money. Speaking of time, know what else irks me? If you have ever had a job where you have to talk to lots of people, you'll understand this: slow talkers. You know who I mean? I used to work at Payless (classy, I know.) and we had to talk to every customer and tell them the promo. Sometimes there would be too many people and we'd miss some one--inevitably the one person missed would be a slow talker, who just HAD to know if it was BOGO.

"Is it....you know...like, your buy, uh, buy one and uh, get...get another or whatever?"

"I don't know, are you fucking blind? There are red posters on nearly every inch of free space in our store that say IT'S BOGO. What do you think?" 

I'm kidding. I wish I could say that. It usually went something like this:

"Is it...you know...li---"

"YES it's buy one get one half off everything in the store."

"Like everything? Even like--"

"EVERYTHING" *Smile you cannot deny ow ow*

Such is the life of retail personnel.

These people always end up in front of me at the checkout too. It's like they find their way to me. I'm magnetic and I attract slow, ugly, dumb people. Do you REALLY need to know when the store closes? You're already checking out. I'm pretty certain you'll make it out in time. And seriously? Why didn't you ask where the kitty litter was before you were at the register and all rung up, huh? No, no, please, I would LOVE to sit and wait while some one gets one for you. I live to please.

Along the same lines, I hate not-so-great time managers. We all have friends like this. The ones we tell to meet us at 5 when we really mean 6:30? Yeah. My best friend happens to be one. If she calls you at noon wanting to hang out before you work at six, it's not going to happen. I've come to accept this and I plan accordingly. It only pisses me off to no end when we have to go somewhere together, like a meeting, or a party. I hate being late. I'm never late. I like to be on time, ready to go, familiar with my surroundings (in case of zombies, you know.) five minutes before I need to be there. But my best friend....she just doesn't understand. If she says it only takes ten minutes from her house, she won't be ready until you have five, and it takes fifteen. Didn't people make clocks to prevent this? That and keep trains on time, but you know what I mean.

Do you have a friend like this?